As I head into a new year of creating work I keep getting hung up on what kind of artist I am or want to be. What are my priorities? What ideas and concepts are the most important to me? What is my “brand” or “identity” as an artist? What kind of work to do I enjoy as a consumer versus as a creator. What do I share and when/how do I share it?
It’s very difficult for me to wrap my head around some of these questions. I enjoy doing a lot of different things and I have a limited amount of time and energy.
It’s also been a rough couple of years for me. Late in 2015 I began to struggle with a physical disability, in 2017 I realized I was nonbinary and my physical disability forced me to drop out of graduate school. Last year, in 2018 I found out I experienced a personality disorder known as borderline personality disorder or BPD. Discovering I was nonbinary was liberating. I have had a deeper understanding of myself and ironically this is also true with BPD. The physical disability has been difficult and costly to manage but I’m in a better place now because of the physical therapists I worked with in New York.
All of this has shaped me and my priorities and my work especially in terms of storytelling. Now, because I know I suffer from BPD I know how easily I’m influenced by others. This makes it difficult for me to traverse things like social media without getting caught up in it. I’m not saying I’m done with social media. I’m trying to regulate my use of it though so I can get back to my life and my work and what’s important to me which is a struggle in and of itself.
I promise future blog posts will be more lighthearted then this but I had to get this off my chest. I’ve wanted to share this for a while and I didn’t know how. Talking about it on a personal blog on a portfolio website that almost no one visits was an easy first step.